Writing is famous for being a lonely pursuit. Not necessarily sad or bad, but definitely devoid of other people. Which most of the time is totally okay. I'm fine with that. Love it in fact. Most of the time. But there is one easy solution to this. Online dating. A writer is already at their computer, so what is there to lose?
I might have hinted this to a friend. They immediately said 'that would be a great topic to write about!' Which is entirely true. Everyone loves reading about other people's failures in romance. However, that involved me viewing the dates as a writer as well as revealing myself as a woman inside my writing. The first of these is really quite fun, though with some ethical considerations, while the second is just plain painful.
As I started to write I found I was incredibly uncomfortable, umming and ahhing about how to approach it. Even just admitting I had signed up was difficult. 'But everyone does it.' You say. It's completely accepted. And I agree. Even my grandmother seems somewhat okay with the idea (as long as I make sure they are not serial killers first). But we all know that the real reason everyone loves reading and listening about it. We all love hearing about other people's failures and secrets.
In writing about my online adventures, I am basically admitting to the world that I have despaired of meeting anyone in my day to day life. And while I am a writer and spend a lot of time by myself, obviously you realize there must be some men in my life. I still go to work, to church, to conferences and the gym, the ever popular supermarket and cinemas. What about the men in these places?
My act of signing up is a silent declaration to the world 'yes, all the men that have met me rejected me', which is really very harsh. It is also quite self pitying, because in a number of cases I was the one that rejected them, but leaving that aside. Why is it so hard to write about? I am a writer, laying myself bare for my art is what I do. I like to think that every novel I've written has a little bit of me in it. Why is this different?
The difference is because I can't make up the other bits, or the happy ending. I could use humor and self-deprecation to protect myself. However, I feel as a writer I have an obligation to speak of the emotions everyone wants to hear about but are too scared to ask for. Most people in some way are lonely and scared that they are the only ones that feel this way. As a writer, I think I should show myself, say to people 'see, see these wounds and hurts? You are not the only one, you are not strange. The rest of the world does not have it all together.'
Ah, with what ease I could use arrogance to protect myself in this, act as if I didn't care. Show you all my wounds but shrug it off, because I'm totally okay with it all, I love myself. However, is that really helpful? I am writing for those who are lonely, feel strange and out of place. Is it fair to say to them 'look at my wounds. They don't hurt. They don't humiliate me. So if you have ones that do, that's your problem.'
Being a writer is harder than I thought. Not just the writing, obviously, but the obligation to be honest, to admit pain hurts and laughter is not always enough. It would be easier to stay away from situations like online dating, but that would be cowardly. And so...
I have joined the online market. I have met some great men, and some slightly more damaged ones, and some of them even think I'm great. But that's because they can't see how scared I am underneath. But you can.
I might have hinted this to a friend. They immediately said 'that would be a great topic to write about!' Which is entirely true. Everyone loves reading about other people's failures in romance. However, that involved me viewing the dates as a writer as well as revealing myself as a woman inside my writing. The first of these is really quite fun, though with some ethical considerations, while the second is just plain painful.
As I started to write I found I was incredibly uncomfortable, umming and ahhing about how to approach it. Even just admitting I had signed up was difficult. 'But everyone does it.' You say. It's completely accepted. And I agree. Even my grandmother seems somewhat okay with the idea (as long as I make sure they are not serial killers first). But we all know that the real reason everyone loves reading and listening about it. We all love hearing about other people's failures and secrets.
In writing about my online adventures, I am basically admitting to the world that I have despaired of meeting anyone in my day to day life. And while I am a writer and spend a lot of time by myself, obviously you realize there must be some men in my life. I still go to work, to church, to conferences and the gym, the ever popular supermarket and cinemas. What about the men in these places?
My act of signing up is a silent declaration to the world 'yes, all the men that have met me rejected me', which is really very harsh. It is also quite self pitying, because in a number of cases I was the one that rejected them, but leaving that aside. Why is it so hard to write about? I am a writer, laying myself bare for my art is what I do. I like to think that every novel I've written has a little bit of me in it. Why is this different?
The difference is because I can't make up the other bits, or the happy ending. I could use humor and self-deprecation to protect myself. However, I feel as a writer I have an obligation to speak of the emotions everyone wants to hear about but are too scared to ask for. Most people in some way are lonely and scared that they are the only ones that feel this way. As a writer, I think I should show myself, say to people 'see, see these wounds and hurts? You are not the only one, you are not strange. The rest of the world does not have it all together.'
Ah, with what ease I could use arrogance to protect myself in this, act as if I didn't care. Show you all my wounds but shrug it off, because I'm totally okay with it all, I love myself. However, is that really helpful? I am writing for those who are lonely, feel strange and out of place. Is it fair to say to them 'look at my wounds. They don't hurt. They don't humiliate me. So if you have ones that do, that's your problem.'
Being a writer is harder than I thought. Not just the writing, obviously, but the obligation to be honest, to admit pain hurts and laughter is not always enough. It would be easier to stay away from situations like online dating, but that would be cowardly. And so...
I have joined the online market. I have met some great men, and some slightly more damaged ones, and some of them even think I'm great. But that's because they can't see how scared I am underneath. But you can.
About the Author:
Learn more about my writing and online dating adventures. Stop by Elizabeth Greentree's site where you can find out about how to become a prolific writer.
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