None of us can honestly say that no one ever gave us anything or helped us. It's natural to feel grateful. However, if the benefit we receive comes with strings attached, we may feel the burden of gratitude rather than the warm glow a truly free gift inspires.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
Parents have a natural obligation to provide for their children. However, if the children are made to feel that they now owe a return of some sort, a feeling of injustice may smother any grateful feelings. There's a fine line between what is balanced and what is dysfunctional. A parent who expects to be rewarded for their 'sacrifice' will probably be disappointed.
If a fellow employee does us a favor, he or she may have a right to expect something in return. If their expectations are reasonable, an exchange of favors can strengthen the working relationship. However, if the coworker demands silence about improper procedures or wants a unearned commendation, this makes the 'debt' we owe onerous and maybe even dangerous.
Sometimes simple good manners can take care of the situation. Write your detestable aunt a thank you note or acknowledge the favor at work quickly. The next step is to let things go on as before. If you are out on your own, your parent's gesture may be a bid for attention. Only you can tell if you should visit or call more often. It's possible that, if they make you feel ungrateful, you really are.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
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