Many of us have been manipulated into obligations that we did not wish to owe, at a time when we were in need ourselves. Not everyone who goes above and beyond does so for us for the right reasons, and we can be victimized by their motives. They might be trying to obligate us through the burden of gratitude.
Dating is a common method that a person can be victimized in this way. In traditional relationships, the man is the one who buys dinner. All too often a man uses this fact as a way to manipulate the girl into sex acts, or even an ongoing relationship that she might not wish to have had because he makes her feel she somehow owes him something as repayment for money spent on dinners and movies.
Many women have taken to the habit of going Dutch, and paying for their own meals when they first begin getting to know someone. This is excellent advice, even if it leaves some young girls unable to afford dating. Better to avoid indebtedness than to allow themselves to be manipulated into undesired acts as payment for a free meal.
Churches may use this same tactic to draw in new members. When a church gives food, clothing, shelter, or money to homeless people, there should be no requirement for that person to attend services. However, such services are held out as a requirement for anyone who pursued help in this way, and this is a perfectly legal thing for them to do.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at times in our lives, but who we seek to receive that help from must be carefully considered. Sometimes it is best to seek the help of a stranger before we allow friends, coworkers, or exes to become a part of our solution. Not everyone who seems to love us is offering their assistance with a generous heart.
Dating is a common method that a person can be victimized in this way. In traditional relationships, the man is the one who buys dinner. All too often a man uses this fact as a way to manipulate the girl into sex acts, or even an ongoing relationship that she might not wish to have had because he makes her feel she somehow owes him something as repayment for money spent on dinners and movies.
Many women have taken to the habit of going Dutch, and paying for their own meals when they first begin getting to know someone. This is excellent advice, even if it leaves some young girls unable to afford dating. Better to avoid indebtedness than to allow themselves to be manipulated into undesired acts as payment for a free meal.
Churches may use this same tactic to draw in new members. When a church gives food, clothing, shelter, or money to homeless people, there should be no requirement for that person to attend services. However, such services are held out as a requirement for anyone who pursued help in this way, and this is a perfectly legal thing for them to do.
It is typical even for parents to use indebted obligations to control the behavior of their adult children. The fact is, once a person is over the age of eighteen, parents are not legally able to enforce curfews or other restrictions on them. However, in order to control who they date and what they do, some parents will withhold housing or financial assistance to their children if they fail to behave in whatever way they are trying to force.
When we find ourselves in a difficult situation, it is up to us to decide if we think friends offer help for our benefit, or if they are trying to get something from us. Sometimes they actually are just trying to gain something for themselves. They might want to get paid for the help they offer, or even just a foot in the door of our lives in order to date or learn things about us so they can spread rumors.
Every one of us must evaluate our own intentions when we offer to help a friend. It is important that we do not make such offers with the intention of benefiting in some selfish way ourselves. When we are giving it must be done with a generous heart, and not because we have convinced ourselves that we somehow know what is best for that person.
We all need help at times in our lives, but who we seek to receive that help from must be carefully considered. Sometimes it is best to seek the help of a stranger before we allow friends, coworkers, or exes to become a part of our solution. Not everyone who seems to love us is offering their assistance with a generous heart.
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